so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Randomize
