the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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