Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
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i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
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there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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