Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
