You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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