I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
