the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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