my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Randomize
