Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
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