Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
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