Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
