I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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