Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
