Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
