god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
