I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
