i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
