Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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