You're my little dorito
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
