I faked an abortion last night.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Randomize
