Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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