Hey man sorry I got all grabby
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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