Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
