I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
