No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
