so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize