I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
