walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
