you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Randomize
