U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
