Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
