How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
