I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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