there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
