I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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