My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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