Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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