Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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