How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
