Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Sober January is a disaster.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
