So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
