Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
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Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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