I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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