i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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