I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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