So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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