my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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