So drunk, too bad you don't want this
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
