First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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