Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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