If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
