Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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