what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
