Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
