Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
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And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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