Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
