i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
