I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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