..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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