do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
