I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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