All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
