Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I just want to make out with him forever
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Randomize
