how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
