So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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