he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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