i think my mom watched the whole time
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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