Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
