Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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