i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
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