have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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