Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
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she pinky promised me she was 18
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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