I want to have your abortion
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
