Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
