just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I want her autograph on my taint
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
These tits shall not be calmed
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
