even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
