I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
