I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
