I just saw a hot homeless man
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
