my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
