It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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