So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
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The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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