why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
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dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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