bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
