Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
