don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
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