dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
