Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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