just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
please come you make the beer taste better
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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