I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
