Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
ttyl tear gas
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
