I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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