Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
