After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize