This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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