ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
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