there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize